literature

Modern Zelda: Smart Phone of Time part 17

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(Link reaches the top of Death Mountain and sees Kaepora Gaebora)
Kaepora Gaebora: Ya done good, kid. Real good. It’s purdy high up here! This here’s the summit a’ Death Mountain. It’s said that the clouds surroundin’ this peak reflect the condition of Death Mountain. When they look normal, it’s at peace. Climbin’ all the way up here just proves how smart ya are. The Great Fairy lives on this here mountaintop and she’ll give ya a new skill! Look around and ya kin find ‘er!
(Link blows up a boulder, revealing the Great Fairy Fountain)
(Link enters the fountain and uses “Zelda’s Sleepy App”)
Great Fairy of Power: (appears) (seductively) Welcome, Link. I am the Great Fairy of Power! I’m going to grant you a new sword technique. Receive it now, you sexy beast!
Navi: HEY!!! You’ve master the Spin Attack! First, charge your weapon, and then unleash a wave of energy! LISTEN!!! If you don’t feel like charging, then don’t!
Great Fairy of Power: When you charge power, magic power will be consumed! Pay close attention to your sexy green magic meter! Hey, hot stuff, you’re a messenger of the royal family, right? Next time you’re in their neighborhood, you should drop in on my BFF! She’ll grant you more powers! When battle has made you weary, come here to sleep with--- to see me. (disappears after blowing a kiss to Link)
Link: Remind me never to come back here. (goes outside)
Kaepora Gaebora: Hoot hoot! Well, I bet yer special spot has grown from the Great Fairy’s “power”... (chuckles) But ya still don’t look like a hero who’ll save Hyrule... At least not yet. If yer goin’ back down this here mountain, I kin lend ya a wing. Come here an’ grab mah talons. And hold on tight! (grabs Link and drops him on a rooftop in Kakariko Village)
It gets a little bit pervy occasionally.
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