When it takes over, I go down too easily.
Panic consumes every cell, every nerve in my body.
The grief bunches up in my chest,
Stifling my ability to breath.
The burning behind my eyes leaks out in the form of bitter teardrops.
My shoulders get so tense that I can’t sit straight.
I sit on the ground, just barely rocking back and forth,
Enough to feel, enough to numb the pain inside.
I can’t talk, not without descending back into that pit of despair,
Not until I’ve gotten past this insurmountable grief that came from… somewhere.
Somewhere I never hope to go, somewhere I never hope to hear about,
Somewhere I never hope to see.
Fight, Flight, Freeze.
Before I can even try to fight,
My sanity flees,
My logic will freeze,
And my body agrees.
I can’t stop,
Can’t think, can’t talk, can’t breathe.
In-out in-out in-out in-out,
Sob, scream, cough,
Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat…